i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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