Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
