not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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