rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
