Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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