I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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