I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
farters have to be the big spoon...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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