So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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