Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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