god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love having hate sex.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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