I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
