batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
