do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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