The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
