If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
