Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
