Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am midnight drunk by noon
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
