My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
