She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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