I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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