Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You smell like stripper and shame
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
