I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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