conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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