Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
