I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
