my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
