I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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