tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
