I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
