It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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