Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
