im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
