well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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