trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
