he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
