White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
