he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
