I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
