I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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