Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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