I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
