I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
