i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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