apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
