get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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