Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
