i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
