It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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