I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
