half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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