If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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