If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
