walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
