Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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