And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
