Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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