i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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