2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
