bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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