What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
