Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
