she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize