I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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