Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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