I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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