do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
