i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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