My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Randomize