Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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