You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
porn star boner night. come get it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
