There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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