Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize